"Drop it, punk! I've got a hose!"

Have you seen the SOPRANOS on A&E?

TONY: "You motherf-ather, you been sleepin' with that fu-dgin' cun-iver, haven't you, you piece of s-oap? I have a good mind to take this f-utzinheimer gun, shove it right up her sn-oot and blow her s-ocks away!"

And that's just the language.

Now it seems that Congress may take on the BIG issue that confronts this crippled nation (not the war or economy) -- too much violence and gore on TV. I imagine the first step is to form a committee to look into selecting a subcommittee. Then they'll schedule hearings and fact finding missions until it’s finally determined that Tony can't kill anybody, he can just fire warning shots. And 24 can set off a twelve megaton nuclear bomb but not a fifty.

By the way, it will be a bi-partisan committee. THIS they can work together on.

So as they put aside the issues of health care, job outsourcing, and spiraling gas prices to focus on the more important matter of policing police shows and doctoring doctor shows, here are a few questions I would like to submit.

Where should gore-fest NIP/TUCK draw the line? May they show a face lift but not liposuction? Is it okay to see them operate on Kelly Carlson and not Rosie O’Donnell? (Well, in that case, yeah).

And those simulated close up cameras that zoom into peoples’ bodies and crash into aneurisms on CSI and HOUSE – ick!!!

Instead of a gun, should Vic Mackey protect himself only with a fire hose on THE SHIELD?

Is the only acceptable episode of OZ the one where Johnny Cash comes to perform?

For every gunsel that Tony Soprano threatens must he complete 100 hours of anger-management training?

Christopher can no longer slug Lauren Becall? At worst he can make fun of her for doing Fancy Feast cat food commercials?

Instead of torturing suspected terrorists, should Jack Bauer give them treats if they talk?

Men can be IN trees but not fall out of them?

Excuse me, dear elected officials, it is impossible to set guidelines. What show is bloodier, CRIMINAL MINDS or MASH? Name me a more sympathetic protagonist than serial killer DEXTER.

Don’t we have more important things to do than regulate television shows? The offending programs all have disclaimers. And there are alternatives. TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL is still showing on one of those cable networks.

And it embarrasses me to say that all of this nonsense began as a result of my generation. Yes, we baby boomers all became violent homicidal maniacs because according to Congress back then – we watched CAPTAIN VIDEO.

What five year old boy didn't see that Atomic Disentigrator Rifle and not want to kill? And what five year old girl didn't see that Cosmic Ray Vibrator and...oh wait a minute, now we're crossing into too much sex on TV. Motherf-ather! That Captain Video corrupted us all.