American I-dull

I rarely post two articles in one day but I’m compelled to rant about last night’s AMERICAN IDOL. The second new post follows.

Is there one part of Diana Ross’ face and body that she has not had redone… at least twice? She is now officially the world’s weirdest Chia Pet. And when she was hugging Sanjaya I could swear she whispered, “I love you, Michael.” The ick meter was pegging the red.

The Diana Ross song Sanjaya should have sung was “I’m Coming Out”.

Randy chided Blake Lewis for taking liberties with “You Keep Me Hanging On”, a classic Motown tune. As opposed to telling every other contestant they have to do something different and make the song their own. Lil Jon has a larger vocabulary.

LaKisha vs. Melinda. The rest are just schmuck bait.

Could they pad the show any more? Christ! It was so long Paula’s drugs were wearing off.

If you’re like me, you’ve never seen more than four minutes of any results show. You tivo right till the end.

Brandon Rogers – see you in PIPPIN at the Jupiter Theatre in Florida.

Phil Stacey could easily win AMERICAN SERIAL KILLER.

Jordin Sparks looks like an Amazon standing next to Ryan Seacrest. And she’s probably 5’ 2”.

In fairness to the contestants, they sure had a dreary catalogue of songs to choose from. No one could make “Love Hangover” sound good.

How many weeks until Lulu???

Sure, the girls all try to sound like Whitney Houston. But at least Whitney Houston can sing. The guys strive to be Chris Montez.

I love that Haley forgot the words. What’s the point of a live show if there are not screw ups? I’d love the theme one week to be the songs of Danny Kaye.

For whatever reason, Simon doesn’t want Haley booted off the show just yet. As he was saying she wasn’t that bad 30,000,000 voices at the same time said, “He’s banging her!”

I loved how Mensa president, Paula Abdul said the audience was too stupid to notice when a contestant went up on the lyrics. I’m sure she hopes that’s true, considering how many times she probably screwed up her own lyrics. ‘Instant replay, instant replay, instant replay, instant uh…uh…uh…”

Chris Sligh and Drew Carey are not funny without their glasses.

Diana Ross seemed impressed with the girls but was she impressed enough to sleep with their boyfriends?

Please let it be Sanjaya that gets voted off tonight. Let him break down and cry and run into Elizabeth Taylor’s arms.

And now for you Non-Idol fans....