American Idol: my take so far

As we head towards the final twelve, here are my AMERICAN IDOL thoughts so far this season.

The winner will be Melinda Doolittle or Lakisha Jones. Lakisha has the edge unless she wears a mini-skirt again.

At times the show should be called ARETHA IDOL. Please. No more “Chains of Love”.

If you have HD you can actually see brain cells pouring out of Paula’s ears.

What happened to Kellie Pickler? Where is that sweet girl next door? She appeared last week looking like the young Dolly Parton. Raccoon make up, J-Lo butt, body tan from a bottle, and she must’ve gone for the full Macy’s Day balloon size boob job. Bring back the old Kellie.

And Fantasia looked like a fullback in drag.

When Diana Ross is a guest judge will her advice to all the girls be “sleep with record presidents”?

New name for Blake Lewis: Twenty-five Cent.

New name for Jared Cotter: Cosby Kid

Ryan Seacrest is seamless hosting AMERICAN IDOL. I goof on him for being a toady red carpet interviewer but in this role there’s no one better.

I’m guessing the “major” announcement on Thursday is either that Paul McCartney has agreed to appear on the show or Paula Abdul has learned to print her name.

Jordin Sparks is the teenage Kimberley Locke.

In Antonella Barba’s bio she said people would be surprised to learn, “I win eating competitions.” After those oral sex pictures circulating the net I don’t think anyone is surprised. And then when asked, “Who are your heroes in life?” she answered, “Walt Disney”. My favorite shot of her is the one where she’s completely naked with a few rose petals sprinkled on her snow white body.

The Stephanie Edwards on AMERICAN IDOL is not the same one who got canned from the Rose Parade broadcast. I know there’s a lot of confusion about that.

Sanjaya Malakar – meet Prell!!!

He looks like Violet, the daughter in THE INCREDIBLES

I don’t get why the judges are so ga-ga over Chris Richardson. Well, Paula, sure, but why Randy and Simon?

Phil Stacey looks like Gollum in a Navy uniform.

Sundance Head is a good singer but his daddy, Roy was even better.

It seems almost inhumane that ten seconds after they learn they’ve been eliminated, contestants are asked to sing in front of 30,000,000 people. To me the only genuine touching moment in the show so far this year was Alaina Alexander being unable to sing her song and other contestants helping her out.

Does Brandon Rogers also play Gary on CSI?

One day he'll be singing backup for Melinda Doolittle.


I’m really looking forward to British Invasion week with guests Lulu (my personal favorite. I love Lulu) and Peter Noone (Herman from Herman’s Hermits). I can’t wait to hear contestants have to sing “I’m Henry the 8th I ‘am” and “Dandy”.

Whatever happened to Taylor Hicks? I mean, even Ace Young was sighted on the MIKE & JULIET SHOW.

This year they’ve introduced IDOL CAMP, a summer camp for kids. Finally, they’ve figured a way to capitalize on AMERICAN IDOL! I always knew there would be money in this franchise if they only looked hard enough.

Nicole Tranquillo, who was voted off, is better than half the singers still there.

Sanjaya Malakar – meet Head & Shoulders!!!

Randy’s added a new move this year! Sucking his teeth and saying “I don’t know. I don’t know.” Say what you will, the man is an entertainer.

Chris Sligh is genuinely funny and can sing. When he gets voted off, which he eventually will (because girls say they value a sense of humor above all else then vote for the guys who look like Justin Timberlake) I’m sure Fox will have a gameshow for him to host like ARE YOU SMART ENOUGH TO TIE YOUR SHOES?

And finally, I’ve said this before, it’s okay to be an AMERICAN IDOL fanatic, to watch every week, to read blogs, or post comments, but once you’ve actually VOTED, then you’ve crossed over to the dark side. Unless Antonella sings on the show wearing the rose pedals, then I’m on speed dial for two hours.