AMERICAN IDOL results show and pimp parade

This is a typical AMERICAN IDOL results show:

Give to our charity!
Enter the song writing contest!
Buy our itunes!
Check out our website!
Watch our Ford commercials again!
Enter our Challenge contest!
Download our videos!
Buy tickets to our tour!
Enroll in our camp!
Get our Season 6 CD!
Drink Coca Cola!
Visit the Idol store!
Watch us next week!

And along the way… watch more footage from Africa, suffer through “highlights” of last week’s interminable results show, endure Ryan Seacrest’s Neanderthal-on-the-street interviews at Farmer’s Market, wade through highlights of the previous night’s show, mist up over sappy loser journey videos (Oh, that precious moment when they were once in the same room as Bono), and sit through Randy and Paula answering simple questions and setting American literacy back ten years.

The AMERICAN IDOLS Results show is the only program where you fast forward through the show and watch the commercials.

But this week two contestants were sent home so the actual entertainment portion of the one hour show was doubled to four minutes. It also meant Ryan wasn’t able to plug the exciting new AMERICAN IDOL WAR ON TERRORISM that will begin right after the summer tour and just before Sanjaya replaces Rosie O’Donnell on THE VIEW.

At least this week they brought back Antonella and not Bush. And they dispensed with the horrible group singing number that always sounded like the finale of the Country Bear Jamboree stage show at Disneyland.

Musical acts included the completely random Robin Thicke (whose voice was so high garage doors all over America were going up) and Bon Jovi who surprise, surprise – got to plug his latest tour.

Very little suspense with Chris and Phil being voted off. Both seemed to know it and handled their dismissals with class and humility. If Phil had Bon Jovi’s hair he’d be a finalist. Chris was dressed in fatigue green so he’s ready to hunt down terrorists as AMERICAN IDOL doesn’t just GIVE BACK they also TAKE BACK!

Now we’re down to four. Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, and Blake. Anything can happen although 99% of the time on Wednesday nights nothing happens.