June gloom

I just can’t seem to get into BINGO NIGHT IN AMERICA. Why is that? Maybe because I’m NOT 90 YEARS OLD!!! Is there any game more closely associated with assisted living facilities than Bingo? What demo was ABC hoping for? Maybe if they put the show on at 4 in the afternoon it would do better.

Meanwhile, Spielberg’s I-want-to-cash-in-on-that-TV-gravy-train-too entry, ON THE LOT finished fifth Monday night. On Tuesday if finished behind THE GEORGE LOPEZ SHOW, grounds for immediate cancellation. Instead of THE LOT, Spielberg should have done SAVING PRIVATE RYAN: THE SERIES where teams set out against faux Nazis to rescue Private Ryan and one team gets killed off every week.

And just to show that truth is stranger than fiction: there will be a Dutch reality show in which a terminal patient will choose which contestant will receive her kidney. We have long since passed NETWORK.

Now that it’s summer we’re in for a flood of cheesy reality shows. I miss the one from a couple of years ago where they trotted out old 80’s acts like Wang Chung and Vanilla Ice to perform their big hits again. Then they were asked to sing current songs and that was really a riot. And the Coolio look alas, has not stood the test of time.

Attention Los Angeles – there’s a little event called THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS happening in your area. I know it’s not Stu Nahan getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame but it is kinda sorta a big deal – the World Series of hockey and all. Not that you care LA but if it were in Montreal they would be going nuts.

I’m officially declaring this blog a “No Lindsay Lohan” free zone. Mine and a “Cushitic Slang” site are the only two blogs on the entire internet that can make that claim.

JERSEY BOYS opens in LA. Best musical I've seen in years. And the night I saw it on Broadway the understudy playing Frankie Valli was on and it was STILL sensational. Also, the performance I saw a character mentions Rikers Island prison and twenty people applauded. The Tony it won was for Soprano.

Roger Clemens tentatively re-debuts for the Yankees Monday night against the White Sox as U.S. Cellular ATT&T/Cingular/Sprint/T-Mobil Park. The Yankees are buried in the AL East, Clemens is a five inning pitcher at best, the bullpen is atrocious, and it cost $17 million for his four months of service. The Yankees are the new Knicks.

And now Alex Rodriquez lives up to his "a rod' nickname by being caught in a Toronto hotel room with a stripper.

The most overpaid player in baseball is not a Yankee but an Oakland A. Jason Kendall. $13.43 million. He’s hitting .182 with two extra-base hits in 165 at bats.

F-TROOP season 2 is now out on DVD!!!! As is EATING OUT 2: SLOPPY SECONDS!!!!

Saw Robert Duvall in a restaurant last night. I admit it, I was blown away. ROBERT DUVALL! And then later at the same place -- Don Rickles.

When Jeff Zucker took over NBC programming they were the number one network. Now they’re hopelessly buried in fourth and he’s the CEO of the entire GE monolith. And I still understand that before Elisabeth Hasselbeck being allowed to speak on national television. On SURVIVOR when all her tribe members were trying to make fire she was still trying to understand the concept of fire.

I'm looking forward to seeing KNOCKED UP this weekend.

Ed Harris will be performing a one-man play written and directed by Neil LaBute locally this weekend. LaBute is known for his biting and arguably misogynistic viewpoint. The play will be a benefit for the Archer School for Girls.

No, I am not related to Adam Levine. But I first saw him perform in a Brentwood High talent show (he and my son went to school together). Adam was good but not as good as the 10th grade girl who could blow bubbles into different shapes. I thought she was going to have the big career.

How’s this for a soap opera: THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS. The star (who was once tried on rape charges) wants out. The owner arrested on a DUI. The owner’s daughter is shacking up with the coach. And Jack Nicholson guests in every episode.

Have a great weekend.