The Bionic Woman

“Catfight!!!”

That’s how NBC should have promo’d THE BIONIC WOMAN premiere. Their target audience must be those two nerds on THE BIG BANG THEORY. Another slugline could be…

“Wouldn’t it be great if your new imaginary girlfriend could also beat up that mean dude at the bus stop who calls you a spaz?”

I have no idea why a woman would want to watch this show. Oh, I’m sure the network will say women will identify with the character, and ultimately it’s a story of self realization and personal growth but who are they kidding? It’s hot chicks in the rain catfighting. It’s the video game guys play when their moms won’t let them watch Cinemax After Dark.

Michelle Ryan is no Lindsay Wagner (pictured: right) . Lindsay was cuter, Lindsay was sweeter, and could do more cool things. I’d like to see Michelle Ryan sell Fords.

But the big problem with Michelle Ryan is that she’s not even as hot or as interesting as the other Bionic Woman in the series. Katee Sackhoff (BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, pictured: below) as the rogue B.W. steals the show.

Change the title of the series to NOT THAT BIONIC WOMAN, THIS ONE.

Otherwise, this was just your standard dreary noir-action show, complete with the washed out colors, the secret high tech and concrete government compound (the Soprano Cement Company must’ve won the bid on ALIAS, 24, and now this project), and mysterious Miguel Ferrer type no-nonsense officious riddle-speaking head of the organization, played this time by Miguel Ferrer himself.

There’s only one thing missing – FUN. Unless your idea of a rip roaring good time is CHILDREN OF MEN you’re going to feel let down by this BIONIC WOMAN. I’m sorry. Give me Lindsay Wagner running in slow motion or even demonstarting how much more trunk space I’d get in a Taurus.