The worst TV show ever

Back from another day of picketing. No TV cameras, no Jay Leno handing out Krispy Kremes. Just us “Schmucks with Underwoods” (although to be more accurate – “Schmucks with PowerBooks”.) Even if you’re not in the guild, feel free to join us on line. And if anyone asks what you’re working on just say a pilot for Faye Dunaway (frighteningly pictured).

Which brings me to another topic:

A question I was asked at my writing seminar was, "What do you think is the worst TV show ever?” Good question but tough to answer. No matter what I come up with I’m sure I’m overlooking even worse candidates. So please feel free to chime in with your suggestions. And if you nominate AfterMASH I won’t be offended.

Some of the turkeys I might consider are…

COP ROCK – Imagine the cops from THE SHIELD breaking into song.

VIVA LAUGHLIN – Imagine a parody of COP ROCK.

SATURDAY NIGHT WITH HOWARD COSELL – Howard Cosell hosted a variety show in 1975.

BLESS THIS HOUSE – a CBS sitcom starring Andrew Dice Clay as a dad. I would have given anything to see the test results on that pilot.

THE FAYE DUNAWAY SHOW – Maybe the scariest actress in Hollywood once starred in her own sitcom for CBS. “I’m ready for my four cameras, Mr. DeMille.”

PINK LADY AND JEFF – A variety show featuring comic Jeff Altman and a Japanese girl group who had trouble speaking English. People felt sorry for Jeff. I felt sorry for the writers. And NBC passed on our pilot to put this series on the air. Not that our pilot was great but you could understand every word.

PUBLIC MORALS – Since Steven Bochco couldn’t make a cop show/musical he tried a cop show/comedy. Lasted one week. First network show to use the word “pussy”. Those two last sentences are not unrelated.

WHO’S YOUR DADDY? -- Adopted kids have to guess their real fathers in this worst reality show ever until we see what great new fare the networks put on during the strike.

DAVID CASSIDY – MAN UNDERCOVER -- Teen heartthrob David Cassidy as a cop who goes undercover in a maximum security prison. And he manages to keep his pants on the entire series.

LIFE WITH LUCY – It worked when she was 40. It even worked when she was 50. But it didn’t work when she was 106. Lucille Ball in her last sitcom, still trying to be zany, but instead of laughing you were just praying she wouldn’t break a hip.

CELEBRITY BOXING – If only the celebrities were Andrew Dice Clay and Faye Dunaway and there were no referees…

MANIMAL – A crimefighter who could turn into any animal. Imagine being read your rights by a chicken.

SUPERTRAIN – A nuclear powered bullet train that was so big it had a shopping center and swimming pool on board. Could send a cow on the tracks flying eight miles into the air. Was supposed to be like LOVE BOAT. Was more like THE HINDERBURG.