TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNER CHRONICLES

I think I would cheerfully let Terminators try to kill me if I could have Summer Glau as my protector. Is it too weird to have a crush on a robot? Now I’m starting to finally understand LARS AND THE REAL GIRL.

Summer Glau (pictured above) plays a “good” Terminator, assigned to protect teenager John Connor from the “bad” Terminators who are trying to whack him before he can grow up and save the world. Scientologists believe the same is true of the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes baby. The Terminator legend is more grounded.

TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES (which premiered to big numbers against no competition on Fox) is essentially THE BIONIC WOMAN meets THE FUGITIVE. But unlike THE BIONIC WOMAN, which is a dreary saga only Harlan Ellison would love, THE TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES is kind of fun. Don’t confuse it with a mini series about Supreme Court Justice Sandra O’Conner, this is an action show in the spirit of HEROES, 24, and the last two minutes of MONK.

And Summer Glau steals the show. She’s everything Bionic Woman, Michelle Ryan is and a bag of (computer) chips.

Sure THE TERMINATOR defies the laws of physics, nature, gravity, and time but they follow PRISON BREAK so logic is obviously a complete non-issue.

A few things I worry about:

Leah Headley, who plays Sarah, needs some of Roger Clemens’ steroids. She’s trying her best to act tough but it’s like Calista Flockhart: Bad Ass.

I miss Arnold Schwarzenegger, the original Terminator. Who can ever forget his great line, “Fuck yooo, asshorrr!” In this TV version will John Conner be hunted down each week by a different Oakland Raider lineman?

When they time travel they must do so naked. Is Summer Glau anatomically correct?

And here’s the only thing I think would make the show better:

If they’re going to use different Terminators, why not have celebrity Terminators? Wouldn’t you just love to see Ann Coulter shot with bazookas, hit by a truck, electrocuted with a million volts, and crushed in a vice? Throw in slow-motion and you have multiple Emmys.

THE TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES has promise. But I’m now a cyborg chaser so you can’t completely go by me.